


Five times Luke remembered, and one time he wished he didn't

by punkjoly



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: 5 Times, Canonical Character Death, M/M, Unrequited Love, i wrote this because i enjoy pain and suffering apparently
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 08:32:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5861728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkjoly/pseuds/punkjoly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Luke wished with every fiber of his being that soul mates didn't exist, that reincarnation wasn't possible, that he didn't remember all one hundred and five of his past lives. But most of all, he wished that for just once, Han remembered too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five times Luke remembered, and one time he wished he didn't

**Author's Note:**

> i really hope this is just as sad as i wanted it to be oh god

Luke was 19, and this was his third time living on Tatooine. He didn't so much mind the planet, it had its own charm in a weird way. But the last two lives he's spent here, he hadn't met up with his soul mate until he was much older. Which was why he was taken so off guard when his soul mate just so coincidentally happened to be in the Cantina the same exact time that he and an old man called Ben were looking for transportation off the planet. 

Sitting across from that scruffy looking smuggler was almost painful, really. He smiled at Luke in a way that made his heart sing, but there wasn't a single glint of familiarity in his eyes. That was okay though, they very rarely fell in love quickly. So Luke just started at him, completely mesmerized, as he agreed to take them across the galaxy for a price.

Luke's heart fluttered when they were boarding the Millennium Falcon for the first time, and Han (Luke learned that this was his soul mate's name in this life), gave him a look that lingered for a few long suspicious moments, and it almost felt like he knew too. 

\---

Ben was dead, and a Princess now replaced him on the ship. Luke mourned, of course. He was alone with new power and abilities he had yet to master, and the weight of the world on his shoulders. But he felt comfort in the fact that he was strangely at home with every person now on the Falcon, not just his soul mate. Han must have felt that way too, because the way he looked at the Princess worried Luke in a very foreign way.

"So do you think a princess, and a guy like me--"

"No."

Luke had a very bad feeling in his stomach.

\---

Han was just freed from being frozen in carbonite for six months, and Luke finally came to Jabba the Hutt's quarters to rescue his friends. He had expected for the both of them to be taken outside right away, but instead the pair was taken to temporarily stay in one of Jabba's dungeons.

"Han, are you okay? How do you feel?" Luke said carefully, once the guards locked them alone in the dark room. 

"Luke? Where are you? I, I can't see at all. It's making me kind of dizzy," Han reached out blindly into the air with bound hands. Luke approached him quickly, unbinding both of their restraints easily with the use of the Force. He placed his hands on each of Han's biceps, and gripped him firmly to hold him steady.

"I'm right here, Han, you're alright," Luke said calmly.

"I feel sick," Han said with his head bowed. "Kid, I feel really sick." Luke nodded, and gently tugged on Han's arms so that he could lead him towards a wall, helping him sit down on the ground to lean against it. He sat besides the blinded man, and wrapped an arm around his shoulders (which was kind of awkward considering their vast height difference, but Luke wanted to make the other feel safe).

"We'll get out of this, don't you worry. I'm going to get you out of this," Luke said in a hushed, comforting voice. Han just responded with a curt nod before letting out a pained groan.

"Kid, no offense, but I don't know how you're going to get us all out of here safe and sound," Han said with a forced chuckle.

Luke smiled lightly at this, and squeezed Han's shoulder. "You've missed a lot in the last six months, Han. Trust me, I have a plan."

They fell silent for a few long moments, just sitting there quietly in the comfort of each others presence. Han was the first to break the silence, he whispered quietly to the younger man, "Hey Luke?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks for coming back for me."

"I always will, Han."

\---

Darth Vader and Palpatine were dead, Princess Leia was Luke's twin sister, and the universe was now safe. Luke hadn't been force-sensitive for at least a dozen lives now, but he knew for a fact that he had never been this powerful or this important ever before. And truthfully, that scared him. But not as much as the way Han was looking at him in that exact moment.

There was a party going on, celebrating the victory of the rebels. Friends all around them were dancing around a large fire, Leia was retelling stories of their small victories leading up to their big win, and all Luke could think about was Han. Han, and the way he was watching him, not saying a single word.

"I think I want to marry that girl," the words came out as a whisper, yet sounded like a threat in Luke's ears. "I think I love her."

Luke could only smile and place a hand on Han's broad shoulder. 

"I know you do, Han. I know."

\---

"Han, you can't just get up and leave like this. What about the Resistance? What about your family, Han? What about Leia--"

"Luke, I'm leaving. No one is going to stop me. I clearly do not belong here. My family is falling apart. I can't stay here, I am the cause of all of this. I need to go away," Han shouted in his rage. He slammed down the small bag he had packed onto one of the chairs in the cockpit of the Millennium Falcon.

"Please, Han, you can't blame yourself. I failed as a mentor, I failed to guide your son down the right path. He's just a boy, he needs his loved ones to--" Luke was cut off, yet again, by more furious yelling.

"My son is dead, Luke. My son is dead and my wife won't even look me in the eye anymore. I can't be here and no one is stopping me from leaving. Not even you," Han turned around to face Luke. He stood there and said nothing for a few excruciating seconds until he pushed by the bearded Jedi to leave the cockpit.

"Please, Han, just take a moment rethink all of this," Luke said, raising his voice with urgency as he followed Han down the narrow hallways. "You're just angry, you're in mourning, you need to stay here for not just Leia's sake, but for your own as well."

Han stopped abruptly, almost causing Luke to run directly into him. "Don't you dare tell me how I am feeling right now, I know exactly what state I am in and how to handle it. It may not be ideal for you or anyone else, but it's ideal for me." He hissed out through gritted teeth and turned around slowly to stare Luke right in the eyes. "I am leaving."

Luke took a cautious step towards the older man, he could see the agony in his eyes and it made him want to weep. "I just don't want you to do something you'll regret," he said quietly, the sadness very apparent in his voice. These days, it was all but impossible to keep the emotion from leaking through his words.

"I have a lot of regrets, and I live with those. I'll be able to live with this one too," Han said, his face fell from stiff anger to a soft kind of defeat. "Please, just let me do this? Leia can manage on her own. Hell, we both know she's strong enough. I just, I need to cope with this alone. Just let me do that, please?"

Luke nodded and hesitantly reached out to pull Han into a hug. "Please stay safe? I refuse to lose another Solo any time soon."

Han nodded and wrapped his arms around Luke in return, and rested his head on top of the smaller man's. "You too, kid. I love you too much to lose you too."

"I know, Han," Luke wished those words carried the same meaning as his own. "I love you too."

\---

It's been over a decade since Luke last saw a single member of his family. Through his meditation he's tried to hone his abilities, to prepare himself for his future padawan, to recover from his immense failure. All while attemtpting to keep tabs on the ones he loved most. Which was very difficult, honestly. Staying hidden away on a deserted and unaccounted for planet in an unknown part of the universe made it rather difficult to follow up with his family. But nonetheless, he tried anyway.

He would get strange feelings every once in a while, that Leia was in danger or that Han was in some kind of trouble. But the feelings came and went over the years, and he got accustomed to it. They were always safe in the end, and he never had to interrupt his meditation for too long to worry over either of the two.

But those feelings grew increasingly more often once he felt his future padawan start to gain a sense of her abilities. He worried, of course he worried, but he knew that they would be safe. With Leia at the heart of the resistance, and Han being Han, he knew they'd be okay.

Until they weren't. Until one night he felt something strange in his gut. A strange feeling that he could recognize from any of his past lives, a feeling that wasn't brought on by the force. It was painful and heart wrenching and exhausting, it was purely soul crushing. He knew exactly what was happening and he refused to believe it. He, who had barely felt a single emotion over the past decade and a half, refused to believe it until he was sobbing on the floor of his hut.

Luke knew that his soul mate had died once again. He could feel his pain, he could feel his extreme emotion, he could hear his final thoughts in his own head.

"Leia, I tried. I'm so sorry."

The words resounded in Luke's mind like an echo that refused to go away. He could have been crying for minutes or for hours, he did not know. But he knew one thing for sure, that he could mark this to be the first life out of one hundred and six, that his soul mate did not love him back. And the thought of this happening again kept him crying more than his feelings of loss. 


End file.
